simple. they bring the lol's but know when to stfu. :-)

When I was about ten, my mom asked me to get something from the car. When I was getting out, a bee came EXTREMELY close to my face..now I've never been stung by a bee and I'd like to keep it that way, so of course, I cried, just about shat my pants, and stayed frozen for a good ten minutes until it left me alone. 

Damn you bees. *shakes fist* 
 

As far as finding a summer job, things are actually kinda looking up. My sister thinks she can hook me up with something at her job, and i'm applying to be part of the LGBT department at Community Health Action. i'd be doing outreaches on how it's important for the LGBT community to vote..and all that good stuff. lets cross our fingers! i feel so useless without a job of some sort..

one of my best friends surprised me with tickets to a midnight showing of sex and the city. i gotta say even though i was grateful, i was a lil disappointed because i already promised some other people i'd go with them..but whatever, i'll watch it three, four times if i have to. everything else is, well..pretty stagnant i guess. 

this is  so neglected..

So the first week of class went pretty well. Aside from the fact that I have a roomate that lacks common sense, the living situation is also pretty good. I have to admit though, it feels great to be home, especially in his room atm. I love going to sleep and waking up with him..*insert sappy music here*. The last three days have been great and I wish I could take everyone back with me. Somehow, I find comfort in knowing that they miss me just as much as I miss them. Chris is so amazing, I don't think I've stopped smiling once since I've been here. Last night he picked me and Cassy up from the mall and gave her some guy advice and bought us ice cream. How sweet is that?

I feel like I'm slowly but surely changing. My first night back , I noticed that I had a bit more attitude and my usual hatred of people was silenced for a bit. I don't kow if this is the real me or if I'm just putting on yet another facade. Whatever the case may be, I am enjoying myself and I hope that I do well.

I'm also hoping that Chris and I will go to the next step in our relationship but we'll bitch about that later, I can hear him coming out of the shower lolz. bai!

-*edit
i need more shit to decorate my dorm room ! any ideas?

having a little bit of writers block lately. okay well a lotta bit. i just don't want to bore people with my mindless ramblings i suppose. hmm..is it weird that i don't want to go to college anymore? :P

There's hope in every new day.

IAMX=freaking awesome. It was like an hour long orgasm I tell you..

update more later, I b tired :(

The weekend needs to come. Not now but RIGHT now.

ahh I'm so excited. today I'm gonna go with the girls to the city to buy some accessories for IAMX/Rocky Horror. Lets just hope I actually find something this time around..pikchaz later!

Somehow I miss drive-me-home guy. Gah! What is this faggot-treeeeee?!

Oh and, I'm thinking about telling the ex (whatshisface) that I'd rather him not go to Rocky Horror with me..I don't want to give us another opportunity to hurt/confuse each other. But would that be just bad manners? Hm.

I wish we didn't have to play these games we play.

Anyway, overslept so I didn't go to school..again. My Grandfather started getting all pissy with me but I really wasn't in the mood to hear his shit so, I just rolled my eyes and kept it moving. Later though I felt kinda bad because I found out he has to spend another night in the hospital--at this rate I'm seriously not sure how long he has.

When did being single become so scary?
He gave me a ride home and it was just..uncomfortable. It really didn't feel right. I can't put my finger on what it was..maybe because there was no eye contact; not too many questions asked about myself either. He always seems so angry and annoyed..makes me miss whatshisface even more (I'm tired of writing/typing his name, so that is what he shall be called-whatshisface). Funny thing is, I still felt light headed when I got out of the car. But whatever, no more of that.

That's life I guess.

3/17/07 Start: 12:38 a.m.

I don't know why, but it hurt a little bit more today. That's how it's been lately; one day I'll be fine, then the next its as if it just happened. I'm sure if I told anyone this I'd just be reassured that this is "normal," as if that's suppose to be some sort of comfort. They'd just tell me to shrug it off--or shrug it off themselves--and be done with it..and this is why I don't tell many people about my problems/thoughts. There are very few that know how to truly comfort me; he has the power, he just doesn't know what to do with it. I once wrote that I was excited for the next day, and the next, because I know that it would be one step closer to getting over him. I'm starting to wonder how much truth that holds. Does it get easier as the days pass, or do I simply become numb to the pain? How does one know when they are truly over someone? For me, maybe it'll be when I don't have the urge to shout "I'm a mess without you," without you I'm a mess. It brings tears to my eyes as I write it down, admitting it to myself and to..anyone reading this. I know that I'll turn this into a blog on myspace/xanga, I just wonder who'll read it. I wonder if you still have interest in me. I wonder if you've kissed anyone else, I wonder if you're developing crushes on others, I wonder if it hurts you as much as it hurts me. Then again, how could it?

I'm tired and want to go to sleep. But I'm scared that if I turn off the lights and draw the covers around me, I'll cry uncontrollably; the fact that I'm alone will become more apparent, and I just can't have that right now. I don't have the strength to cry anymore.

The weekends seem to be when the pang really comes- no schoolwork/seeing my friends to distract me, no boyfriend to call and make plans with..I really should stop concentrating on what I don't have and start concentrating on what I do- well, easier said than done.

I wish I could leave. I want to take all the people I love and that love me and just, leave. We'll go to..California. No thats too typical..Ohio. We'll start over and see what it's like to do things we wouldn't be able to do here. It'd be great; I wouldn't have a care in the world.

But then reality hits and I realize I'm just an angry bitter teenage girl, writing alone in her room; a cliche.

End: 12:50 a.m.

random secret #438736: i'm so bad at cooking that i burn cereal.

mkthxbye.